Realizations

I have decided to try and find a doula. What the heck is a doula you may ask, especially if you haven't been involved in a baby's birth in the last 5 or so years. Well, I am interviewing one on Wednesday and hope to have a better idea, but basically what I want is someone to mother me while I am laboring.

I am conflicted about paying for this service. Am I buying a best girl-friend? Am I buying a mother for a day (hopefully less than a day)? And why am I not wanting my own mother, stepmother, mother-in-law there? Heck, this child will have 5 grandmothers; seems like I have a good pool of available maternal options. Not to mention the 6 sisters/sister-in-laws. Well, I don't know, or rather I know I didn't want other family members there. Mostly because then I will feel compelled to worry about how they are coping. Initially I saw this as something Rick and I could do-on-our-own-god-damnit. And here I am at 153 pounds thinking that I am not sure I can do this, and I am certain I don't want Rick shouldered with the responsibility of dealing with me when I completely loose it. Hence, our doula search.

Summer classes start today! Man I loved having the last two weeks off and have almost no motivation to study.