R.I.P. R.G.P.

Here's the Eulogy at wrote and read at my grandfather's memorial service on 1/12/2008:

I remember our last trip to the Wind River Range in Wyoming, which most of you know my grandfather visited many times, and was one of his favorite places on earth. This was 2003. My grandfather was in his 80s. He couldn't walk particularly well, needing 2 canes on the uneven ground. This didn't prevent him from planning a ten-day trip camping at over ten thousand feet which required a fourteen mile horseback ride to access. As we were coming to the end of the trip, some of the campers, most of whom are here this evening, had been talking about things like getting back to hot showers and take out food. My grandfather only wanted to stay, for as long as he could. We all woke up on that morning, the morning of the last day in mid-September, and zipped open our tents. Well low and behold there were several inches of wet snow on the ground. There were groans. There were four letter words. The sound of people zipping back into their sleeping bags is clearly heard. So was "Wow, great!" Obviously, to those who knew him, that came from my grandfather. This man, in his 80s, who had a hard time moving around, didn't think at all about the complications that the snow was going to cause. This is because, as my grandfather always put it, something like a snowstorm when you're trying to pack up camp, is "Buying a memory".

This is how my grandfather lived his life. He never focused on the obstacles. He grew up with three brothers, he went off to board at Kent School at the age of twelve. He landed torpedo bombers on the deck of a blacked out carrier in the middle of the Pacific on moonless nights in World War II. He led a successful business career as a VP for Gilbert and Bennett. He skied with his family well into his graying years. He climbed a 5.9 route with his grandson in his mid-sixties. He married my grandmother and they stayed together for 62 years, including their last years together that Dick referred to as “heaven on earth”. You don't accomplish all of these things by concentrating on the problems set before you. You accomplish them by concentrating on the opportunities. So please join me in not looking at this as an obstacle, this the passing of one of the greatest men I shall ever know. Look at it as an opportunity to pay tribute to my Grandfather.

I also read The Pilot's Prayer at the first memorial service; my sister eulogized at that one. Here's the Pilot's Prayer, which I must say was hard to get through without completely breaking down:

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth.
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings,
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind swept heights with easy grace,
Where never lark, or even eagle, flew;
And, while with silent, lifting mind i've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

John Gillespie Magee Jr.

It was a really tough week leading up to the funeral. I don't think it was due to the fact that I had to speak in public, as I don't get too nervous about that. I really cycled through anger, sadness, and fatigue pretty much without end for the whole week. It's hard to readjust to life without that whole part of my family. Hopefully my co-workers have already realized I'm just generally cranky and weren't too upset by my behavior that week.

The whole weekend of the funeral was actually great, well, as good as it can be. A very high percentage of my grandfather's and grandmother's family turned out. The more time I spend with that part of the family as a grownup, the more I realize how fantastic we all are. The funeral and services accomplished exactly what they're intended to do, with a feeling of closure. Although I do have to say it's tough if you're one of the main parts of the funeral, as a reader in particular, as you really have to work to hold yourself together so you can read, which is kind of counter-productive to the desire to grieve and cleanse. The whole WASP/Episcopalian way of grieving doesn't make much sense from that perspective. I like the way the more emotional cultures do it, with wailing and plenty of public displays of anguish. Of course I can't actually imagine myself doing it. It's like how everyone wants to be that guy that can just completely cut loose on the dance floor, even if he looks like a jackass...at least he's not all uptight and self-conscious.